Monday mornings are tough enough without someone adding to the stress. So, what would you do if a coworker barged into your office first thing in the morning and trauma dumped a half-hour-long story about their aunt’s passing?
Would you listen quietly and show empathy when she was finished?
Or would you circle back later and let her know that she needs to keep it professional moving forward?
In the following story, one man finds himself in this exact position and opts for the latter. Here’s how it all played out.
The Situation
I (30s male) was interrupted at work first thing in the morning by my (40s female) coworker telling me about her aunt’s passing.
As I’m sitting at my PC working, Alice barges in and states she had a bad weekend due to her aunt’s passing.
She then goes on to tell me in detail how they moved her aunt from the ICU to hospice, and how she got to be there as her aunt passed.
“For context, she does this not even an hour after I started work, AND it’s Monday morning after the weekend. Discussing this type of topic makes me very uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to stop her because it seemed rude, so I let her tell me the 30-minute story,” he writes.
The Aftermath
After her story and some tears, Alice goes back to her office. By the end of the whole thing, my mental state was a mess due to some past trauma surrounding this topic.
I complained to a friend about how inconsiderate it is to barge into someone’s office and take up their time with a traumatic event, but I was told I was being rude and should have shut down the conversation and set boundaries if showing empathy was too much (making me feel worse).
In an attempt to come up with a solution, I chose to tell Alice a few hours later that I’m sorry about her aunt’s passing, but that not only did she take a lot of my time, but she also trauma dumped on me and made my day a little worse.
Alice’s Reaction
Understandably, Alice was upset by my words. I then added that in the future, her business is her business, and I don’t want/need to know about it. I said this in the kindest way possible.
She then responded by saying she would, “Just never tell me anything again.” At this point, I said that was fine.
She eventually apologized, saying she wasn’t trying to be hateful; she just needed time to collect herself. However, she keeps trying to be a close friend when I send clear signals that I just want to be coworkers and nothing more.
The Reddit Response
Yikes! It’s easy to see both sides of this, but he probably made things worse. Let’s see how the folks over at Reddit feel about the way he handled this.
What are your thoughts on this situation? Should he have set boundaries immediately, or was his response reasonable considering the emotional discomfort? Share your views in the comments below.
